reflections

today, as i was driving home from my mom's, i had a lot of time to think and pray - 6 hours worth!  my buns were so happy to see pasco..  ;)  this week was quite an emotional whirlwind.  wednesday, we thought grandma was dying and wouldnt make it to the end of the day.  thursday, at dinner time, jacob came back to the table and said that grandma was sitting up.  my parents hustled back to her room before she could try to stand up, lose her balance and then fall, breaking who knows what.  friday, the nurse came by to take grandma's vital - they were normal!  her blood pressure has not been strong enough to register on a pressure cuff for that past week or so, heart rate has gotten no higher than mid 50's.  so crazy!  the nurse laughed and said grandma must be a cat with a few more lives left.  apparently the Lord has not called her to come home, just yet.  i know that all of this waiting, and back and forth has been really hard on my mom and dad.  thursday or friday they went down to the funeral home to make the arrangements which was really hard on my dad.  he was responsible for making all the arrangements for his dad, all of which were made after grandpa passed away.  he did not want to go through the same emotional decision making again.  i know dad was really grateful for my mom's companionship and support at the appointment.

all of that to say, i had a lot to reflect on on my way home.  i have never been really vocal with my faith to my parents.  they know what i believe, since they raised me to believe in Jesus.  they know that i continue to walk with the Lord.  i am dont blatant with things to them or my siblings.  i am conflicted sometimes though whether i should be doing more while i am there - living more out loud, so to speak.  i am planning to go back for an extended visit in january.  i would really like to read to grandma from the bible - psalms or something.  i want my parents to see me continuing to live my life for the Lord.  i know that if grandma were coherant, she would enjoy hearing scripture.

my confliction is in whether to call my mom on her behaviors?  i have already asked several times why they dont go to church anymore - or why she doesnt go alone, without my dad.  each time i have gotten a "we are too busy" type of answer.  i have sent emails to my dad about where society is now compared to end times prophecy, but have never gotten much of a response.  they lived their lives as believers (at least from my perspective) for a long time.  they have since walked away and now live like good people.  do i treat them as believers and hold them accountable to a biblical standard or do a accept that they are now of the world?  that grieves me to accept... pit in the stomach type of thing.  i have to confess that i do not pray for my family daily like i should, either.  i dont know what to pray most times, except that they would realize their wrong and come back to the Lord.. is that all i can do, for now?  i want a magic switch to open their eyes to see the light...

while driving, i was listening to an old WOW cd and a song by barlow girls came on  - beautiful ending.  this was a perfect song for what i was thinking and praying about.   here it is: