Thursday, March 28, 2013
greatful hearts
i absolutely adore my children. there are moments where my heart surges with love. tonight had one of those moments. the boys asked to eat their dinner outside since the weather is so nice - perfect spring weather. i told them yes, set their plates on a little box for them to use as a table and went back inside. as they were getting themselves situated i overheard one of them say to the other, "lets pray." i quickly grabbed my phone to take a picture - how could i resist? :) thank you, sweet Jesus, for blessing me with boys that have greatful hearts!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
challanges
This is an email i wrote to a friend in February.. putting it here so i can look back at how the Lord is faithfully bringing me through the challanges of our adoption process
So, as we have discussed before, i have been struggling with how all of this money is going to come together. the other night, i was having trouble falling asleep so was praying off and on, arguing/discussing/pleading/whining with the Lord about adoption money. i finally fell asleep only to wake up again later in the night. i started praying again and realized that even though i wasnt physically working, i was striving to earn this money without seeking the Lord's plan or asking His permission. so, i confessed and asked for forgiveness. since then, i have been asking the Lord what we are supposed to do, how this money is going to get paid for, etc. i confess, i havent been reading the word the past few days - today, finally, i couldnt take it any longer. the baseball bat upside the head finally was giving me a headache -ha! i like to dig my heels in, apparently.
i opened up the parenting plan on my Bible app and it was titled "trusting God part 2". so, i went back to yesterday's part 1 - it talks about how God will work through trials in ways that will astonish, ways that you would not believe it you were told. scriptures were romans 11:33 - oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and how unfathomable his ways. And Habakkuk 1:5 - "look among the nations and watch - be utterly astounded! for I will work a work in your days which you would not believe, though it were told you." there is destruction happening (or going to happen) to Judea in this chapter and the Lord is telling Habakkuk what will be going down.
after reading this, i again asked what am i supposed to do, Lord? how are we supposed to go about this? am i supposed to do anything?
part2: this day talks about God having a plan and we have to trust him (duh - sometimes i am really dense though). Habakkuk found a way to trust and rejoice in the Lord even though destruction was coming (really, Lord? am I going to be destroyed? i hope not...). God's ways are impossible to fully understand. our job is to wait quietly and let the Lord's will be done. here are the verses: Psm 46:10 - "be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!" the other is Habakkuk 3:17-18 - "Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls - yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation."
what is ridiculous is that it took me reading through all of these verses, having more questions asked, to typing this, for me to see the part about waiting quietly and being still..... i dont know what that is supposed to look like - am i supposed to give all responsibility to eman for planning/filling out grant apps/fundraising/etc? i dont know. am i supposed to do absolutely nothing and just pray? probably. gah!!! this is my but, God moment - except it is me arguing. seriously, that is physically painful for me not to think, scheme, plan and execute! especially when it looks to me like eman is doing nothing. of course, i have no idea what is going on in his private prayer life. i can only pray that the Lord is nudging his heart to be praying too. we pray together sometimes, but clearly we need to be doing it WAY more often - seeking the Lord's plan together. right now, it feels like we are floating side by side, tethered loosely. tomorrow, while the boys are in class, i am hoping to get coffee with my hub, and walk together, talk together and pray together. will you be praying for us? i want the HS to be moving in our hearts, reuniting and joining us together - 3 stranded cord is not easily broken.
I just read through all of Hab 3 - the Lord is mighty and powerful! He does crazy things and the earth trembles - how am i still worried about money being provided?! Father God, forgive my unbelief! Please help me to be still and wait on You! Reunite me with my beloved - make us a 3 strand cord with You - woven so tightly we would be like 1.
Hab 3:18-19: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the the God of my salvation. THe Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills.
So, as we have discussed before, i have been struggling with how all of this money is going to come together. the other night, i was having trouble falling asleep so was praying off and on, arguing/discussing/pleading/whining with the Lord about adoption money. i finally fell asleep only to wake up again later in the night. i started praying again and realized that even though i wasnt physically working, i was striving to earn this money without seeking the Lord's plan or asking His permission. so, i confessed and asked for forgiveness. since then, i have been asking the Lord what we are supposed to do, how this money is going to get paid for, etc. i confess, i havent been reading the word the past few days - today, finally, i couldnt take it any longer. the baseball bat upside the head finally was giving me a headache -ha! i like to dig my heels in, apparently.
i opened up the parenting plan on my Bible app and it was titled "trusting God part 2". so, i went back to yesterday's part 1 - it talks about how God will work through trials in ways that will astonish, ways that you would not believe it you were told. scriptures were romans 11:33 - oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and how unfathomable his ways. And Habakkuk 1:5 - "look among the nations and watch - be utterly astounded! for I will work a work in your days which you would not believe, though it were told you." there is destruction happening (or going to happen) to Judea in this chapter and the Lord is telling Habakkuk what will be going down.
after reading this, i again asked what am i supposed to do, Lord? how are we supposed to go about this? am i supposed to do anything?
part2: this day talks about God having a plan and we have to trust him (duh - sometimes i am really dense though). Habakkuk found a way to trust and rejoice in the Lord even though destruction was coming (really, Lord? am I going to be destroyed? i hope not...). God's ways are impossible to fully understand. our job is to wait quietly and let the Lord's will be done. here are the verses: Psm 46:10 - "be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!" the other is Habakkuk 3:17-18 - "Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls - yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation."
what is ridiculous is that it took me reading through all of these verses, having more questions asked, to typing this, for me to see the part about waiting quietly and being still..... i dont know what that is supposed to look like - am i supposed to give all responsibility to eman for planning/filling out grant apps/fundraising/etc? i dont know. am i supposed to do absolutely nothing and just pray? probably. gah!!! this is my but, God moment - except it is me arguing. seriously, that is physically painful for me not to think, scheme, plan and execute! especially when it looks to me like eman is doing nothing. of course, i have no idea what is going on in his private prayer life. i can only pray that the Lord is nudging his heart to be praying too. we pray together sometimes, but clearly we need to be doing it WAY more often - seeking the Lord's plan together. right now, it feels like we are floating side by side, tethered loosely. tomorrow, while the boys are in class, i am hoping to get coffee with my hub, and walk together, talk together and pray together. will you be praying for us? i want the HS to be moving in our hearts, reuniting and joining us together - 3 stranded cord is not easily broken.
I just read through all of Hab 3 - the Lord is mighty and powerful! He does crazy things and the earth trembles - how am i still worried about money being provided?! Father God, forgive my unbelief! Please help me to be still and wait on You! Reunite me with my beloved - make us a 3 strand cord with You - woven so tightly we would be like 1.
Hab 3:18-19: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the the God of my salvation. THe Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
I serve The Great Encourager!
I planned to blog, recognizing that it has been quite a while since I have done so, but needed to make a quick phone call first. Per normal, the quick phone call turned into a much longer conversation discussing things that I did not intend to talk about: adoption costs and expenses. I got off the phone feeling quite discouraged which is exactly opposite from where I was before the conversation. Isnt that just the way Satan likes to play us? He takes our excitement and joy, spits on it and turns it to mud. Arg. But, The Great Encourager is ALWAYS faithful to turn that around when we seek Him! Yay, God!! Today's devotional was all about the power of the Spirit, reminding us that it is not human strength or power that accomplishes His will; it is the Spirit. Zechariah 4:6 - So he answered and said to me: "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' Says the Lord of hosts."
So, I am going to reset my heart through His Spirit and still share my excitement! (Thank you, Jesus, for being so faithful!!!) This past weekend, Eman and I went up to our church ranch for a mini ministry retreat. It was really neat. Each pastor took a turn teaching on different aspects of ministry - all of them made me reflect on the ministry of adoption. I am not able to verbalize all of what took shape in my heart, but everything combined created the perfect storm (liberally coated by my crazy hormones) when we got home Saturday night. Poor Eman got the brunt of my crazy. ;) (Again, I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness - He has paired me with a man that loves me through that crazy!) At the end of my tearful evening, we were able to meet in the middle of how we are approaching the big mountain of fees. The gist of it all is this: I am very works oriented - I really struggle sitting back and allowing the Lord to work. I am always coming up with different ideas of what WE can do to raise funds. Eman, on the other hand, has had MANY opportunities for the Lord to provide for his needs and is willing and able to sit back and let the Lord work. He is also anti-fundraisers, to an extent, because it forces us to be out in the public eye, most likely being ridiculous. Eman has had his fill of ridiculous doing many years of Young Life and hanging out with high schoolers.
Sunday morning, I told Eman that I still wanted to do something, but that I wanted to use the skills that the Lord has given each of us. I really enjoy sewing and Eman is an artist (who knew, right?!). Eman agreed that we should use our skills and time. I was so excited that we were on the same page with a plan! We received some adoption money in the mail that we are using as "seed" money to purchase some supplies. I will be sewing some little girl dresses and skirts and Eman will help me create some art work. We are going to create a page on FB that will be dedicated to showing off our projects (it isnt set up yet, but will be called Bringing Naomi Home). My goal is to double the amount that we got in the mail, if the Lord blesses our efforts with more than that, sweet.
Yesterday, I had a friend offer to grow plants for me to sell and today, I had another friend text me a fundraising idea. What is interesting, is I had presented this idea to Eman a few weeks ago, prior to the Lord mashing both of our hearts, and he thought it was LAME! Today, I showed him the thread of texts and he seemed more open to it. Isnt it funny how the Lord changes our opinions? It really is ALL in the timing.
This all brings us to this afternoon - I was so excited and encouraged to have friends come around me to support what we are doing! I am certainly blessed! The Lord brought this passage to mind: "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these thing the Gentiles seek. For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But see first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:28-34
I love that the Lord knows our EVERY need and wants to provide for us! All we need to do is ask - but what is even more cool is He knows BEFORE we ask! I serve The Great Provider too!
So, I am going to reset my heart through His Spirit and still share my excitement! (Thank you, Jesus, for being so faithful!!!) This past weekend, Eman and I went up to our church ranch for a mini ministry retreat. It was really neat. Each pastor took a turn teaching on different aspects of ministry - all of them made me reflect on the ministry of adoption. I am not able to verbalize all of what took shape in my heart, but everything combined created the perfect storm (liberally coated by my crazy hormones) when we got home Saturday night. Poor Eman got the brunt of my crazy. ;) (Again, I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness - He has paired me with a man that loves me through that crazy!) At the end of my tearful evening, we were able to meet in the middle of how we are approaching the big mountain of fees. The gist of it all is this: I am very works oriented - I really struggle sitting back and allowing the Lord to work. I am always coming up with different ideas of what WE can do to raise funds. Eman, on the other hand, has had MANY opportunities for the Lord to provide for his needs and is willing and able to sit back and let the Lord work. He is also anti-fundraisers, to an extent, because it forces us to be out in the public eye, most likely being ridiculous. Eman has had his fill of ridiculous doing many years of Young Life and hanging out with high schoolers.
Sunday morning, I told Eman that I still wanted to do something, but that I wanted to use the skills that the Lord has given each of us. I really enjoy sewing and Eman is an artist (who knew, right?!). Eman agreed that we should use our skills and time. I was so excited that we were on the same page with a plan! We received some adoption money in the mail that we are using as "seed" money to purchase some supplies. I will be sewing some little girl dresses and skirts and Eman will help me create some art work. We are going to create a page on FB that will be dedicated to showing off our projects (it isnt set up yet, but will be called Bringing Naomi Home). My goal is to double the amount that we got in the mail, if the Lord blesses our efforts with more than that, sweet.
Yesterday, I had a friend offer to grow plants for me to sell and today, I had another friend text me a fundraising idea. What is interesting, is I had presented this idea to Eman a few weeks ago, prior to the Lord mashing both of our hearts, and he thought it was LAME! Today, I showed him the thread of texts and he seemed more open to it. Isnt it funny how the Lord changes our opinions? It really is ALL in the timing.
This all brings us to this afternoon - I was so excited and encouraged to have friends come around me to support what we are doing! I am certainly blessed! The Lord brought this passage to mind: "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these thing the Gentiles seek. For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But see first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:28-34
I love that the Lord knows our EVERY need and wants to provide for us! All we need to do is ask - but what is even more cool is He knows BEFORE we ask! I serve The Great Provider too!
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