Jacob's 5th birthday weekend

We had lots of fun last weekend to celebrate Jacob.  His birthday was on Friday, July 20, but we started out the festivities on Thursday night.  We planned to go swimming first at our favorite pool, but a lightening storm changed that plan.  Instead, we went to Dairy Queen for some french fries and ice cream instead.  Jacob stuck his fries into his cone and sang himself happy birthday.  He was loving every second of the attention!  Before we left, he asked me to tell him to close his eyes when we got to DQ so it could be a surprise - little does he know...!

Friday (his birthday) we went to a our friend's house.  The original plan was to meet at McD's for lunch and playground time, but there has been hand, foot, mouth going around, so we got lunch to go, picked up some cupcakes and party at their house instead.  Mama and daughter strung some crepe paper and put some star wars decor out.  We sang happy birthday two more times.  Again, he was loving all the attention.  When we got home, Jacob started to complain about not having a birthday party - what did we just do, child?!

I had planned a little surprise party for mister Jacob.  John and I went ahead to meet the friends while Jake was blindfolded and rode with Daddy.  The boys hid in anticipation of yelling SURPRISE! 

We took the boys to see the movie Brave.  I brought candy in my bag, like a good mama, bought everyone a big bucket of popcorn and lemonade to share.  Because the kook in CO decided to go on a shooting rampage, the cute (maybe) 16 yo movie attendant had to look into my purse to make sure I wasnt carrying in a gun.  However, she failed to notice the candy or the other thing I had in there...  Maybe she just wasnt sure what to do so decided to do nothing.  (Made me feel very reassured. Lol)  ANYHOW..!  The boys all loved the movie, except for the scary part close to the end.  Jacob started crying and buried his face in my chest.  I convinced him to look right at the part that made the scary part worth it.  He recovered and decided that he really did like the movie just not the scary part.

We did some good swimming Sunday (skipped church because of the aforementioned yucky germs) at our favorite pool.  John jumped off the diving board AND went down the slide for the first time.  He was so brave!  And, now he cannot get enough of the diving board.  ;)  Later our friends came over for marshmallows.  A good, stiff wind came up, out of nowhere (normal for TC) and made the whole fire thing difficult.  Daddy used his ingenuity and built a brick cage for the fire.  It was a little tricky to roast our marshmallows, but we made it work!

Two of the cute kids are missing - busy eating s'mores maybe?  It was a pretty fabulous weekend, I must say.  I think I like this kind of focus on the kid more than the crazy birthday parties.  It was fun to celebrate with lots of fun family stuff, with some friends thrown in for kicks.  I think Jacob had a lot of fun too...

We will do it all over again in a month for the bigger boy!  I cant wait...  :)

a new school year is almost here!

July is almost over and I am getting myself organized and geared up to start our new school year!  I am currently printing out some calender pages for the boys to do daily math skills.  I know that they will be annoyed some days to do this, but unfortunately, school is not always fun.  John will be starting 2nd grade stuff and Jake will be starting kinder!  Eek!  It is bitter sweet to think my baby is going to be in school!  Granted, they will both still be at home since we school here, but still!  My plan is to do unit type studies where they will both be learning the same thing, together.  We are using Apologia Astronomy for science, The story of the World, Ancient Times for history, Time for Reading/Spelling for English (these will be skill level appropriate), Math U See for math (again, skill level appropriate) and for art. we are going to be learning about 8 different artists from a cool curriculum written by the author of Confessions of a Homeschooler.  I follow her blog, if you want to check her out.  Also, the calendar stuff was printed from the aussie homeschool blog that I follow as well.

I am so thankful that the Lord creates an excitement in my heart to school my boys!  I love getting different ideas and collaborating with other moms to make things fun for the kids.  It is so good to have the encouragement from each other.  There are a few families that will be doing the Astronomy curriculum and I am excited to do group projects.  We participated with 3 other families last year to do Geography and the boys LOVED it!  Any excuse to get together and play, right?!

The Lord has been working on my heart telling me to get more focused on teaching the Bible to my boys.  I know I blogged about this a while back, but have to confess that I have been ignoring the Lord..  He again convicted me last night about getting the boys into the Bible and then convicted me about not obeying the first time.  Please forgive me Lord!  Change my heart and move my focus back onto You and Your plan for my life and my family.

I felt like the best place to start was with the ten commandments.  As I was going through my school stuff, I found that I had already printed out the 10 commandments and am all ready to go!  Now, I just need to pull it out, read the story to the boys and GET ON IT!!!  Amazingly, I dont know that I could list all 10 and definitely not in order..  So, this will be a lesson for me - arent they all, though?  We think we are teaching our kids, but the Lord is faithful to teach us at the same time. 

On that note, I have hungry kids...

I have a picture of Jie on my desktop and seeing him this morning makes me sad..  Last night as I was praying I confessed that I feel as though I am abandoning him.  My heart has claimed him and it does not want to relinquish him to another family or to leave him uncared for in the orphanage.  I feel as though I am going through another miscarriage.  This little boy has been named and claimed as a part of my family.

However, as I prayed last night, I felt peace about what the Lord was doing.  I did not feel a clench and heartache of guilt.  I will be continuing to pray that we are truly doing what the Lord's will is and that he will continue to confirm this path for us.

Eman and I both feel like we are supposed to continue the path of adoption, we are just unsure now where and for whom we are supposed to look.  Again, I feel like I have just stepped out of the spin cycle...

What next, Lord?!

We received very hard information today from the UW doctor.  She believes that Jie has Sturges-Webber Syndrome.  This is a syndrome that effects the nerves, vessels in the face and brain that can potentially cause a person to be severely mentally impaired.  It is not 100% that the person will be this way, but there are some very serious symptoms that go along with this syndrome.  This, of course, was not what we expected to hear in connection with our Aiden.  We expected to hear that he would have mental and physical delays due to institutionalization and malnutrition, but we hoped that these would be repairable, over time with proper care.  The Dr told us that there is a 50-70% chance that Aiden will have an IQ lower than 70.

While we continue to pray about what His will is, we feel like right now, we need to say no to bringing Aiden home.   I pray that there is a family that will be able to provide lifetime care for him.  It breaks my heart to do this too.  He has a part of my heart and I am really sad not to call him my own.  I am going to try and get the orphanage to do a CT Scan for the Dr here to look at to give us a more whole image of what a family could expect. 

We will continue on the adoption process, but are not sure if we will adopt from China or somewhere else in the world - internationally or domestically. 

I feel like I have been sent through the washing machine on the spin cycle...

one thousand gifts: a dare to live full..

 I have been reading this book, One Thousand Gifts.  I started out not really liking the cadence of how the author wrote, but I am really starting to enjoy her style as well as just appreciating the book.  According to my kindle app, I have read 21% of the book.  The other night, I read a passage that gave words to my struggle and frustration for when we didnt yet have an American name for Jie.  I was really feeling disconnected to this little boy simply because I didnt know what to call him.  Of course, I could have used his Chinese name, but it felt so foreign in my mouth and so uncertain since I am not sure how to pronounce it.  As I read through the passage, I kept thinking over and over, this is how I feel!  This is why it was so important to have a name for our son!  Here is just a short section that sums up my feelings:
"Naming is to know a thing's function in the cosmos - to name is to solve mystery.  In naming that which is right before me, that which I'd otherwise miss, the invisible becomes visible."

This book has also made me start to think about how do I give thanksgiving to the Lord and am I even offering it?  I think I would like to start my own list of things that I am thankful for.  I have several things off the top of my head that seem obvious - my husband, children, a home, food in my tummy, etc.  But, I want to be thankful in the small, less obvious things - the things that I take for granted and dont even notice anymore.  A meaningful list of 1000 things will definitely take some time; i think it is going to be difficult..

Here are a few other quotes taken from the book that resonate with me..

"If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and its not so bad."  CS Lewis

Practice is the hardest part of learning, and training is the essence of transformation.

Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped.   God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy.

having purpose

On Wednesday, I had a conversation with my bff about homeschooling and using ALE programs through the public school.  She shared a DVD called the Trojan Horse with me.  The show is also about ALE programs and the potential problems they pose for our ability to continue homeschooling our children.  It also talked about other things, but you will need to watch the movie.  Our conversation along with the DVD made me start thinking about how I am schooling my children.  (Of course, every family needs to decide what is right for their own children so please dont take this as a "you should be doing this...")  Really, it has made me think about how intentional I have been with things, especially when it comes to teaching my boys about the Lord.  I freely talk to them about Jesus, especially when there are behaviors that need to be corrected.  Last year we had some curriculum that was a Christian based curriculum that provided verses and opportunities to pray for other countries as we learned about them.  I did not take advantage of that part.  The only reason I can come up with is laziness.  But, the Lord is convicting me on that.  I need to be teaching my boys with a purpose that is more than just education.  I want to have "well rounded" children and that includes them loving and knowing the Lord.

Later, when Eman came home, we talked a little bit about the DVD but really didnt get into a deep conversation about what I felt like the Lord was telling me.  But, he did put a cartoon on FB about the gov't having their fingers in the public school system that has some issues and trying to control homeschooling situations - much like the program I am participating in!  What are you trying to get me to do, Lord?!

I participate in this ALE program mainly for the money I get to use to purchase curriculum.  The classes/workshops they offer are a added bonus that allow my boys to be around other kids and to be taught by another teacher.  The classes John has taken have been educational, but also fun, play type classes that match up to the style we do school in.  His teachers have been men and women that also love the Lord and are excited to teach these kids.  If given the freedom, I think they would be excited to include the Lord in their conversations with the students.  However, since they are employed by the public school...  One of the women interviewed on the DVD talked about this - if we want to teach our children that the Lord is in EVERYTHING, then we shouldnt be compartmentalizing Him by only talking about Him outside of school.  We were created by God - this includes our ability to learn and, I think, we should be recognizing that/Him while we learn.

Last night, Eman had gone to get ready for bed and then wandered back out to talk to me some more.  He told me that he wants to be more intentional with our time while we are together as a family at home.  We need to be teaching more time management, care/pride in our things in order to be showing our thankfulness for what the Lord has blessed us with.  When we are sloppy with our things and time, we are not showing respect or thankfulness to His blessings.  (Oh man.  This makes me realize that the book I am reading, one thousand gifts, is talking about this too.  We need to be intentional about offering our thanks to the Lord in hard times as well as good times.  I guess the Lord is trying to tell me something!)

I had intended that today we were going to start having purpose in our day.  I had an idea in my head that we would do some school out of our summer workbooks as well as reading the story of Moses leading up to the ten commandments.  Then, we would begin learning/memorizing them.  Well, the road has been paved with good intentions, unfortunately.  We did have purpose today, just not what I had intended.  The boys worked hard with me to get the house cleaned up, but we didnt make it to the Bible story.  The day is not over, though. 

The boys are laying down and resting now (such a glorious time of day!).  Once they are up, we can start fresh on that plan. 

In my daily scripture reading there were several verses that really spoke to me:

2 Chronicles 19: 3-7 - Nevertheless good things are found in you, in that you have removed the wooden images from the land, and have prepared your heart to seek God.  So Jehoshaphat dwelt in Jerusalem; and he went out again among the people from Beersheba to the mountains of Ephraim, and brought them back to the Lord God of their fathers.  Then he set judges in the land throughout all the fortified cities of Judah, city by city, and said to the judges, "Take heed to what you are doing, for you do not judge for man but for the Lord, who is with you in the judgement.  Now therefore, let the fear of the Lord be upon you; take care and do it, for there is no iniquity with the Lord our God, no partiality, nor taking of bribes."
vs 9 And he commanded them, saying, "Thus you shall act in the fear of the Lord, faithfully and with a loyal heart.."
vs 11 "..Behave courageously, and the Lord will be with the good."
Jeremiah 23:1-4 - "Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of My pasture!" says the Lord.  Therefore thus says the Lord God of Israel against the shepherds who feed my people: "You have scattered My flock, driven them away and not attended to them.  Behold, I will attend to you for the evil of your doings," says the Lord.  "But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase.  I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking," says the Lord.
Acts 11:24 - For he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith.  And a great many people were added to the Lord.

All of these things together point me to the last verse.  Acts 11:24 is my prayer of who my boys will be.  I feel like the Lord is telling me that if I my purpose in schooling my children is only educational, then they will not be Acts 11:24 boys/men.  I need my schooling to have the purpose of teaching them who the Lord is and aiming them in the direction of this description.  I know, ultimately it will be my boys choice whether they become men full of the HS and of faith, BUT I want to do everything I can to get them to that point.  If I am not feeding them properly, then they will be weak and not strong.  I want them (me) to have all wooden idols removed from their (my) hearts so it will be prepared to seek God.  I want the fear of the Lord to fill our lives so there will be no iniquity found - I want no partiality in my life as well as my boys lives.

Such a heavy burden, but if I am trusting the Lord and thanking Him for the responsibility, than my burden will be light.

Psm 55:22 - Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Matt 11:28-30 - Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

the next step..

I made a phone call this morning to the adoption clinic at UW.  The woman receptionist was very nice and made Eman and I an appointment for a phone conference on Monday morning.  I have emailed a letter attached with Aiden's file and pictures to the clinic.  I was really nervous this morning thinking about what the Dr will tell us.  I know that Aiden is in bad shape and desperately needs to receive better care.  However, actually having a name attached to whatever is going on in his body is pretty scary.  I am praying that the Dr will be able to write a letter for us that we can attach to paperwork that will be helpful in speeding the adoption process up.  I am also praying that the Lord will strengthen me and Eman in preparation for the news and for when Aiden comes home.

checking out the competition...

I found John this morning looking at one of the pictures I had printed out of Aiden.  He found it in our bathroom and took it out to the couch.  He insisted on hanging it on the fridge even though the exact picture is already on the fridge.  It was pretty sweet to see him and to be able to sneak a picture without him knowing.  ;)

Change is on the horizon

Eman got promoted yesterday to Corporal!  I know it may seem crazy, but we are both excited for this change.  Eman's schedule will be changing back to shift work which means 12 hour days and 6 weeks of days/6 weeks of nights (right now he works 4/10's with a 3 day wknd).  It will also mean a lot of new stress and responsibility for Eman.  Both of these do not make me excited at first glance.  But, the Lord is faithful to provide for our needs  - Eman's pay increase will make up the difference of what I was earning while babysitting the baby this last year.  And, the rotation of working/days off will be nice, I think, once Aiden comes home.  That rotation will also be nice when it is time to take time off to go get Aiden. 

The down side will be nights, of course.  It is going to be very important that the boys know right away that they need to leave Eman alone while he is home, since he will be trying to sleep.  This shift may be the easiest to do school on though.  ;)  It is also going to be important to make sure that the days off are days of rest and relaxation so Eman can decompress from work.  I think this will be the hardest for me..

It will be a bit before Eman moves back into the jail since they have to do a lot of training to transition everyone else too.  But, I am praying that this will happen by September at the latest.  Ideally I would like training to have been started before the actual school year/Home Link begins. 

I am also praying the Lord will use Eman in that place as an example of a hard working man that does his job without complaining.  I pray that Eman will be a light in such a dark place - that he will be faithful to pray for his supervisors as well as his officers.  Eman has been told that he will most likely be placed with a "weak" Sargent meaning that they expect Eman to pull the guy aside to keep him in line.  This is a huge load to put on anyone, let alone a brand new corporal.  I am praying that God will give Eman huge amounts of wisdom and strength, as well as words to encourage and correct. 

I think Eman is going to be an amazing leader simply because of where the Lord has taken him and the lessons Eman has grown up through/with.  I am so proud of my husband for listening to what he felt like the Lord was telling him.