I am not in control!

Do not be anxious about anything, 

but in every situation, by prayer and petitition, 

with thanksgiving, 

present your requests to God.

Phil 4:6

I really hate it that when I am really trying to be in the Lord's shadow, everything seems to break loose.  It all goes to heck in a hand basket!  But, the reality is it is just the nasty in my heart that is scratching and tearing at the goodness the Lord is wanting to bless me with.  That reality makes my heart heavy and sad..  However, scripture tells us that His mercies are new every morning and if they are new every morning, then they are also new every minute.  All I have to do is get on my knees, confess my wretched heart, and I am washed new and clean because of His great love!  You know what is crazy?  THAT reality makes my heart heavy too - I am so thankful for what He does and gives me everyday, but I am so guilty and unworthy of it.  Isnt it amazing that while we were yet sinners Christ died for (my) our sins!!!  He loved me before I even existed.  Before all of my great grans even existed!  What is really neat is that while I am sad about the state of my heart, the Holy Spirit is reminding me of all these tidbits of scripture.  He is reminding me of the truth that I have hidden in my heart!  Thank you, Father, for these hard moments.  Thank you for the sweet reminders of who I am in You.  I am not that yuckiness - I am a new creation!  The old is gone.  (Please dont ask me for referrences - I have no idea where each of these verses are located.  Ha!)

I had someone on FB refer me to Hebrews 4 on something different then above.  I read it this morning and I really love the very last verse:  

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, 

so that we may receive mercy and find grace 

to help us in our time of need.

Heb 4: 16

Jesus was tempted just like us.  He understands our weaknesses and wants to help us!  We just need to walk right up to his throne and ask!

Thank you, Father, for showing me who I am in my flesh.  Thank you for these hard times that help refine me into a person more like Christ.  Show me how to be thankful in ALL situations, to not be anxious, and to trust in Your great plan!

Grandma Edna..

The other day my dad sent out an email to the three of us kids about our Grandma.  Grandma is way old - I forget exactly how old..  Birthdays are hard for me.  Anyhow, she has been living with my parents for the past 5 years or so.  It has been so neat to see her every time we go to visit.  I am so thankful that my boys have had a chance to know their great grandma.

We grew up about 5 miles away from my grandparents and saw them at least once a week, if not more.  We had sleepovers regularly.  Grandma would fix as a bed time snack and usually it was homemade vanilla ice cream (YUM!!!) with saltine crackers.  Every once in a while, Grandpa would roast us marshmallows in the wood stove.  He was the most patient man on earth!  Our marshmallows were always perfectly golden all the way around.  Each morning, we would eat breakfast and then have morning devotion all together.  Grandpa would read a passage from the Bible, his big hands skimming the words as he read, then read the day's passage from My Daily Bread.  I remember helping mow their big lawn, raking the lawn clippings into huge piles to jump into.  Grandpa would use a rotary, push mower on sections!  He was a crazy hard worker.  Grandma and Grandpa had a huge garden each summer and we would all get to enjoy the fruits of their labor.  They were both beyond generous with the things that they had.  They were amazing examples of who we as believers are supposed to be.  The stories could go on and on..

My Grandpa passed away just before Eman and I were married, almost 11 years ago.

Anyhow, Grandma's mind and body have been slowing down over the past few years, but things have progressed in the past few months.  My parents have called hospice to have Grandma evaluated to see what the next step will be.  They are having a hospital bed delivered to my parents house as well as nurses coming to help daily care, as they are needed.  Grandma's heart rate is really low (48 beats/minute) and her blood pressure is low enough that it is not registering on a blood pressure cuff.  She has also started to get congestion in her upper chest - not to the point of pneumonia, but her heart is starting to fail.  It is hard to say when she will end up passing away, but it will happen in the near future.

So, Eman and I have the task of telling our boys what is happening to their Great Grandma and deciding whether we need to take them for one last visit before she passes away.  For the most part, Grandma was always a bit cranky with them, since she couldnt keep up with them physically or mentally.  The boys were usually sweet and polite back, thankfully.  I knew this time would be coming, but was not prepared for how to deal with it and the boys.  I am hoping that Eman and I will get a chance to talk about how we should tell them, before the conversation actually happens.  So, if you think about us, please be praying for the boys to be ready and understanding.  Also, my prayer is that Grandma would pass quickly and not be suffering as her heart gives out. 

Operation Christmas Child

Tonight my boys and I went out to collect items to fill our Christmas boxes.  This has been a tradition for the past six years - I packed my first box the year John was one.  This is one of my most favorite Christmas traditions, even though it happens well before Christmas time.  I think it is especially sweet to me this year, because of my heart being broken for the orphan.  These boxes are sent all over the world to kids that dont have anything.  These kids are allowed to receive a box just one time.  They are sent out to remote village churches and handed out by local pastors and church leaders as well Samaritans Purse people.  Each child is given a Bible along with the Gospel message.  They are invited to attend a Bible study.  The hope, of course, is that these children will receive the Truth of our Lord, Jesus and will then, share it with their parents and family.  This is the true gift of Christmas.

Each of the boys picked out toys, socks, books, crayons, etc to put into their boxes.  They also got to help pack a box in honor of Naomi.  I figure we might as well start her on the tradition too.  Next year, she will officially be able to participate.  (I cant wait!)  Jacob kept getting mixed up thinking that we were choosing gifts to GIVE Naomi rather than given BY Naomi.  It was really sweet to see him light up when he would see something that he just knew Naomi would like.  I am so thankful that a love is being fostered in his heart towards his baby sister.  Both of the boys are going to be amazing protectors and lovers of their sister. (Again, I cant wait!)

It was so sweet to see each of my boys choosing gifts for their boxes and for Naomi's box.  I really loved seeing them think about what they were doing, and choosing as well as they could.  Last year, they were both more focused on looking and lusting at the toys, dreaming of which ones they would like to have.  This year, they were distracted just a few times and only momentarily with just a quick reminder.  It is neat to see how their hearts are changing.  They are starting to realize that their is more going on then just what is right in front of their little noses.  They are allowing Jesus to cause their hearts to be tender towards these kids that have so much less than they do.

I am really praying that they will be able to come along when we go to China.  I would love for their eyes to be opened that much more; to see how different the world is outside of their little town.  I would love them to see just how blessed they are to just have been born into the USA.  I know it would be an amazing trip. 

Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to bless the lives of the boys and girl that will receive our boxes.  I pray that they accept You as the Saviour.  I pray that they are used in mighty ways in their villages.  I pray that they are an influence on their parents' lives and that their parents, too, receive Your truth in their hearts.  Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the work you are doing in my own boys' hearts.  I pray that they will continue to be broken for the poor, the orphans and widows.  I pray that they will be broken before You and excited to do Your will!

Double Light

Today is Sunday and we went to church, which is our norm.  However, it is also day light savings.  Last night Eman and I were thinking we would skip church and just have a family day.  But, since we actually gained an hour of sleep, we both woke up very rested and wanting to go to church.  I am really thankful we did too.  Our Sr High Pastor taught today about Noah from Genesis 6.  I love the teaching at our church - line by line, verse by verse.

At about verse 16 or something, Matt was talking about the window that Noah built in the boat.  The Greek (or Hebrew, I forget) word used for window also means double light.  As you can imagine, the world was a pretty dark and dreary place during the flood, what with all the rain clouds and water covering everything.  Most likely, the sun was not out shining.  But, the ark was filled with light and also reflected it as well - a light beacon floating on an ocean of water.  It was not filled with natural light, either.  Candles just dont provide enough light to spill out and shine all around.  The boat was filled with supernatural, spiritual light! 

If you remember, there were lots of plagues while Moses tried to free the Israelites from Pharoah in Egypt.  Plague number 9 was a plague of darkness.  It was so dark, that the people could FEEL it.  I have been in that kind of darkness and it is not fun.  But, to make it even worse, the Egyptians could not provide a light to break the darkness.  But, there was light in the Hebrews camp.  Their tents were beacons of light in the darkness.  Again, they were filled with a supernatural Light - protected from the plague.  They were protected from the plagues because they were God's chosen people.

Both of these situations are pictures of Jesus - He is our Light in this dark world!  However, we are capable of becoming a double light.  We, as followers of Christ, are to be so full of the Light that we reflect it back out to be beacons of light in our dark world.  We should be direction signs pointing those in the dark world towards Jesus Christ. 

We are protected, just like the Israelites, because we too are God's chosen people - adopted into the family through the sacrifice of Jesus' and His blood being spilled for us!

The other cool thing I learned today was the meaning for the word pitch.  Once Noah was finished building the ark, he covered the whole thing, inside and out, in pitch.  The word used for pitch is also the same word used for blood.  The ark was covered by pitch and made water tight (i.e. protected from outside forces).  Likewise, when we ask Jesus into our hearts, we are covered in His blood and protected!

I love that even the Old Testament points towards Jesus!  God's Word is so cool!