The past week or so I have been super antsy, feeling like I needed something to do, filling my free time with mindless computer games, facebook, etc. Tonight finally, I opened up My Utmost For His Highest along with my Bible. I know my unease has been because I haven't actually been spending time with the Lord other than praying each night before going to bed - I know, I know. October 22 in My Utmost is titles The Witness of the Spirit. Oswald references Romans 8:16 - "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit..." He talks about how we don't have the Spirit because we are not doing what God has called us to do - spending time DAILY with Him, in the Word (this is, of course, speaking to what I am doing/not doing). I am not abandoning myself to Him in total surrender - SO hard to do, simply because I am a stinky idiot sinner who really likes to do what I want to do. I really struggle with giving my everything up to the Lord every day. It really annoys me, too. But, what is cool, is that the Lord is always good to remind me of how much He loves me and that He wants good for my life, He has a holy purpose for me! Not a life of aimless wondering, seeking and trying to fill it up with stuff.
I know that the Lord has put a desire in my heart for Naomi, an ache to have my child here. I am not capable to put those desires into my heart with only a few weeks of knowing this little girl on paper. I truly ache for her to be here. I have been trying to fill that space by making things for her, preparing for her arrival. I have made a variety of things, and started to collect clothing and other things we will need for her. I have not given those needs and desires to the Lord or asked Him to provide for us. I have simply gone for it.
After reading the My Utmost, I went back to the Bible and read through Romans 8. This chapter is cool, even though the first several verses can be confusing. I have to read through them slowly and usually out loud for it all to make sense. ;) Verse 5 really hammered into me - "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit." I have been trying to distract the hollow by making myself busy "preparing". And, in all honesty, the hollow is not having Naomi, but my distraction from the Lord. Verse 6-8 goes on to say, "For to be carnally minded (thinking about the here and now) is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. (I have had no peace - just anxiousness) Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God." All of that, combined with where I know my heart was, really stinks! I do no want to be an enemy of God nor do I want to be in a place where I cannot please Him! Thank goodness God whacked me upside the head - thank goodness there is a part 2 with good news for me later in Romans 8! Verse 13, "For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." Yay! And, even better, the Spirit is going to do the work for me, through me, in me!
Verses 15-17 I love - "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we duffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together." Our Father went through the same thing bringing me (us) into the family that I (Eman and I) am doing to bring Naomi into ours! I love that He has made me a joint heir with Christ! How cool is that?!
Now these next few verses were especially sweet to me. Seriously, God is always going to bring it all back around. First, He corrects us, then shows us that He still loves us and then gives us an extra dose of love.
Verse 22-26 "For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered."
I know that this is all talking about waiting for Christ to return for us, but it was sweet to me because it felt like the Lord was telling me, "I know how you feel as you wait for your daughter! I groan with you, for you." And, again, the Spirit is going to do it for me! I am weak - HE is strong!
The last 10ish verses in the chapter are also fabulous, but the first 2/3 was what I needed to hear. Thank you, Jesus, for being faithful to discipline and correct me!
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